I felt a hot breath on the base of my neck as I alarmingly turned around. There was a thick tension in the air as his angry eyes locked intensely into mine. With not even a second to react, goosebumps shocked my body as I was being picked up with an aggression I had never felt before. I knew in the pit of my gut my life was about to end when he reached into his pocket for a knife. I awoke suddenly; confused, a bit disoriented, and relieved I was only dreaming. Was this just another bad dream or was my body trying to tell me something?
I was hooked up to my regular nightly dose of TPN, which stands for total parenteral nutrition. It is used for patients who cannot get adequate nutrition through eating. The TPN is composed of sugar, carbohydrates, proteins, lipids, electrolytes and trace elements; all specifically configured to meet my individual demands. The TPN runs for twelve hours through a central line that lies in my superior vena cava, called a Hickman line. It emerges from the chest and is attached to one tube that is exterior to the chest. Although the Hickman is crucial in maintaining my nutrition, there is also a great risk for infection that can not be taken lightly. This is due to its permanency and the line's insertion into major veins by my heart.
As I went to detach myself from the TPN bag, as I do every morning, I noticed some fluid was still leaking out of the tube which was unusual. Realizing my red shirt was soaked, I began to take it off when I visualized that the liquid in the tube was red. Alarmed, I gave it another glance and became aware that my catheter was bleeding out substantially. The blood just kept pouring out as I tried to wrap my mind around what was occurring. I have had the Hickman line for 7 months now, and nothing like this had ever transpired.
Fearful for my life because the blood continued to pour out, I screamed for help. My mom ran me outside to her car, only to discover that her car was dead (this was only 3 days after it returned from the shop for repairs). She frantically ran to a neighbor's for help without hesitation. My neighbor then rushed me to the hospital, which is fortunately only five minutes from my house. I was so frightened the line would continue to hemorrhage, as I already suffer from anemia.
Luckily the emergency room was empty when we arrived and I was taken to a bed immediately. After some time, the line did stop bleeding and my fears slowly subsided. The only explanation the doctor gave me was that this can happen sometimes with catheters. There can be pressure in the valve causing blood to flow out. I just didn't feel satisfied with how simple the doctor made this seem. It is a pretty devastating experience to wake up one morning and discover that the line adjacent to your heart is pouring out blood like a stream of water.
After many blood tests and x-rays, the doctor cleared me to go home pending I visit my primary doctor in Dallas the next morning. I was also running a fever and had lost six pounds from my previous hospitalization three weeks prior. My family was still fearful and hellbent on the line being removed right there and then. I would love to have the line taken out as well, but there are too many things to take into consideration before I can have it excised from my body. My veins are crap and cannot hold an IV for longer than an hour before they begin to infiltrate. Because I have only had one infusion of Tysabri so far, that I have yet to feel any relief from, I can not risk having no access for the second infusion.
When you have been sick for so long, you pray the first infusion of a promising medicine will be like magic igniting through your veins. Realistically I was aware that Tysabri would take time to build up in my body, but there was a big part of me that just wished it would eradicate all of my pain instantaneously. My next infusion is a little over two weeks away, and I hope with every fiber of my being that I will finally feel some relief after two years of continuous suffering. I have been researching the effects of Tysabri like a mad woman, and found that with most people it takes two infusions for positive results to be felt.
All I can do is remain hopeful and wait to see what happens next. I pray that another incident of my line bleeding out will never happen again. I still get goosebumps when I think about how I awoke to discover this problem before being murdered in my dream. It reminds me of the urban legend stating that if you die in your dream, you die in real life. Although I don't believe this holds any truth, I do believe that my body was alerting me to the problem that was ensuing. The connection between mind and body is very strong and works in fascinating ways.
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