Something That I Really KNEED

What if a crucial part of your anatomical composition didn’t function properly?  What if this malfunction of a very important body part affected all that you did, every single day? How would you feel if the intense life saving surgery you underwent and the many months of recovery that followed, wasn’t enough to give you the life you had before?  The life you have been dreaming of returning to every night as you fight a constant battle of emotional turmoil.


It should come as no surprise that my intestines have been under a self induced attack for the past eight years.  Every day I woke up to go to war with myself, because the only thing strong enough to kick my ass is me.  It should also be evident that my body’s lack of recognition of auto antibodies, has been the source of mass destruction ensuing deep beneath the epidermal layers of my stomach.  All of this contriving the very essence of Crohn’s Disease itself. Although, my Crohn’s is not the subject matter of this specific post; my knees are.

Around the time of my 22^nd birthday, I began encountering troublesome pain in my knees.  At first, I assumed it was nothing to be alarmed over; just another annoying side effect of a chronic illness that could be alleviated with some Tylenol.  As time progressed, so did the pain in my knees. I vividly remember, one day, feeling like there was a ten pound weight attached to my knee inside of my jeans.  I hobbled around on it for hours hoping the pain would subside.  When I finally lifted my pants over my knee, I was shocked to discover that my knee had blown up to the size of a watermelon.

In the days that followed, my knee grew so big, I wasn’t able to put any pants over them at all.  No longer able to carry the weight of my knee, I was forced to go to the doctor for help.  Panic set in when I caught a glimpse of a massive needle through my peripheral vision.  After several lidocaine injections first to numb the area (which is very painful in itself) the big needle was ready for action.  The needle’s sharp tip took a nosedive inferior to my patella.  I could feel the needle penetrate the tissue of my knee, as it forced its way inside of the joint.  It took five syringes filled to the brim to expel all of the fluid that had accumulated.

This happened four more times.  My left knee was drained three times and my right knee was drained twice.  The pain in my knees rapidly turned from painful to debilitating, as they would pop and lock up constantly.  This all culminated into the event that stopped me dead in my tracks.  One morning as I drove to work, the pain in my knee radiated throughout my entire leg as it vigorously pulsated.   As I went to get out of my car, my left knee was stuck in the bent position.  I couldn’t straighten it to walk, let alone move it at all.  Panic set in again because I couldn’t get out of my car.

I called my workplace to inform them I was stuck in my car parked right outside.  A coworker came out, scooped me up in his arms and carried me inside.  I was parked in the back of the building, and was forced to draw attention to myself as everyone stopped in awe to stare at me being carried into work.  I am positive my face was about as red as the blood cells flowing through my body.

After that day I encountered horrible pain emanating from my knees continuously.  I couldn’t even walk at all for the month that followed because it was too excruciating.  After receiving three opinions from three separate doctors, the consensus was exactly the same.  At only 23, I had developed osteonecrosis in both of my knees.  In order to fully comprehend what this means, you must realize that bone is living tissue with living cells and a blood supply.  Osteonecrosis means the death of bone, due to the blood supply being directly cut off.

This news hit me like a bullet aiming straight through my heart.  I was in a devastated daze of confusion, anger, and sadness.  This was another consequence of being on high doses of Prednisone since I was diagnosed.  Out of the surplus of doctors I had seen through the years, not one single doctor ever warned me of the destructive side effects that could occur.  I was oblivious to the fact that this drug sucks out all of the calcium in your bones resulting in their demise.  I should have never been on such high doses for extended periods of time, and in the very least should have been informed to intake additional calcium supplements while on it.

 

Due to the malpractice of all of these doctors, I am the one who is left to suffer.  The only solution I was presented with was to get a double knee replacement.  Of course I didn’t even remotely qualify for the surgery because the wrath of my disease was the most tenacious it had ever been.  That was three and a half years ago, and I am still not eligible for knee surgery yet.

I have never been the type of person who enjoys drawing attention to myself, but every time I walk in public, I am doing just that.  It never ceases to amaze me how many people stare because my left leg is stiffer than a rod, that doesn’t bend at the knee, causing me to limp.  On several occasions, guys have asked me if I was drunk because of the way I was walking, or holding on to whoever is with me because my balance is completely off.  Putting aside the aesthetic aspect of walking with one stiff leg, it turns the simplicity of walking into a rigorous exercise.  The right side of my body is immensely overcompensating because of this malfunction.  Even after just walking for ten minutes, my body aches as though I just ran a marathon.

It is extremely rare for a person of my age to suffer from such substantial bone loss.  I could have never imagined at only 26, my body’s foundation would be comparable to a person forty years my senior.  The hardest part for me to accept is that this could have all been prevented, if just one doctor would have cared enough to take the proper precautions.

I know that a full recovery from the dire consequences of this disease takes time, and that I must do my best to be patient.  I have come a long way and am doing much better than I ever anticipated.  So while you see a healthier woman with a big smile in photos, I must admit that there is still pain that lies beneath my exterior.  I am determined to maintain a positive attitude even when negative thoughts scare me in the deepest core of my being.  I am a prime example that life with this disease can improve, but I am still waiting to receive the missing pieces to complete my puzzle.