Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Food is the epitome of life.  It revolves around all that we do every single day.  Food fuels our body with the energy needed to run properly, down to organ function and bone health.  There is no denying that people receive great satisfaction from eating, always looking forward to the pleasure of a meal.  But what if something so severe sucked the pleasure of eating right up?  What if something inside of you broke out into utter turmoil just because food slid down your intestinal tract?


That something for me is Crohn's Disease.  For those of you who don't know, Crohn's is an autoimmune disease. Unfortunately autoimmune diseases are too common in the United States, and are responsible for the leading cause of death and disability.  The immune system is our body's army, as its primary duty is to defend itself against any foreign invaders.  Even though the core of that army is supposed to detect good from bad (self from non self), sometimes special agents known as auto antibodies confuse the good cells in the digestive system for terrorists and attack.  War breaks out immediately wreaking havoc on your insides, causing food to become enemy number one.

It's as if tiny bombs went off in your intestines leaving behind an abundance of inflammation.  Your body is like a helpless hostage as food tries to fight its way through the open sores of disintegrated tissue, otherwise known as ulcers.  If you have ever had a canker sore in your mouth, you understand the pain it creates as food and liquids try to pass by.  Now imagine those oral canker sores in your stomach, only greatly enlarged and vastly multiplied.  An internal alarm is set off while your intestines are being tortured, that alerts your body's defenses to quickly come to the rescue. This ultimately leaves you in a whirlwind of pain as your body is trying to fight off this source of terror.

Due to these intense events that are the essence of Crohn's, doctors insist it is best not to eat anything during an active flare-up.  There is no off switch for the many pangs of hunger a human experiences, making this an arduous task.  Sometimes there are days when the pain overtakes the desire to eat, but most of the time my stomach begs for food.  When you are surrounded by the sight and smell of people eating, and every TV commercial advertises some type of food that looks absolutely delicious, it is truly impossible to resist the temptation.  Humans are engineered to need food despite any circumstances you may be encountering.  So I often give in to the calling and eat something fully aware that within minutes I will be suffering the consequences.  Words will never be able to express the emotions that overtake you when choosing between eating nothing even though you are completely famished, or silencing the beast with food that terrorizes your insides leaving you begging for relief.

I was the person that lived to eat growing up.  I wasn't sure if having a fast metabolism was a blessing or a curse because even though I always remained thin, I was always hungry.  I never had any limits, never counted calories, and ate anything to my heart's content.   That all drastically changed when I was diagnosed with Crohn's, forcing me to be the person that eats to live.  I was presented with a list of foods that I should not eat including dairy, nuts, popcorn, fruit with skin, seeds, cured meat, coffee, chocolate, soda, fried food, and alcohol.  I soon realized I chose all of the wrong foods in the past, and eating right with a disease is crucial for your well being.  It honestly took me a long time to eliminate the listed items, with the exception of some occasional chocolate and soda.

By no means is forcing yourself to eat better easy, but it is necessary, and I still have a long way to go. Even though I still slip up every now and then, through the years I have recognized the foods that trigger symptoms.  Eating out became the source of anxiety, as people often make mistakes with your food.  I realized buying and making my own food was a much healthier option.  Just because you have to eat to live doesn't mean the food can't taste good.  These days many supermarkets are more accommodating making it easier to access special food.  Because I still experience frequent flare-ups, it is very difficult to maintain a healthy diet as I often eat only once or twice a day.  I went from the girl who could eat most people under the table to the girl whose intestines narrowed so much from inflammation and scar tissue, I can hardly eat at all.  I do have hope that one day soon, I will attain the capacity to eat more and fuel my body with the appropriate nutrition.