When a Nightmare turns into a Reality

I felt a hot breath on the base of my neck as I alarmingly turned around.  There was a thick tension in the air as his angry eyes locked intensely into mine.  With not even a second to react, goosebumps shocked my body as I was being picked up with an aggression I had never felt before.  I knew in the pit of my gut my life was about to end when he reached into his pocket for a knife.  I awoke suddenly; confused, a bit disoriented, and relieved I was only dreaming.  Was this just another bad dream or was my body trying to tell me something? 

The Thing You Think You Cannot Do

It seems like a lifetime has past since I last wrote a post.  I am overwhelmed by the whirlwind of events that have taken place in the past month.  Shortly after posting my Hospital Horrors post, I made another trip back to the hospital.  This was no coincidence,  as I was putting off going back for over a month.  I began experiencing a pain that I have never felt before; a piercing sharp pain that throbbed right below my chest.  This pain was intensified by standing or walking, which interfered with the progress I was making from my spinal compression fractures. 

Hospital Horrors

Hospitals. The sound of that word makes most people cringe. If you have ever been hospitalized, you know how unpleasant the experience can be. The dreariness from all the illness encompasses you as the smell of sterilization makes you want to gag. Hallways seem to stretch on for miles as you catch a glimpse of each patient lying helplessly in their own misery. No matter how high you turn up the heat, there is always a coldness that lingers in the air.

Do you live to eat or eat to live?

Food is the epitome of life.  It revolves around all that we do every single day.  Food fuels our body with the energy needed to run properly, down to organ function and bone health.  There is no denying that people receive great satisfaction from eating, always looking forward to the pleasure of a meal.  But what if something so severe sucked the pleasure of eating right up?  What if something inside of you broke out into utter turmoil just because food slid down your intestinal tract?

Fickle Friends

Despite all of the pain and agony I experience from Crohn’s, one of the hardest parts about it for me, was watching the people I thought were my friends disappear from my life.  Ever since I was a young girl, I found maintaining friendships with girls to be a very trying task.  Everyone knows how girls can be, and my friendships with them always seemed to end toxically.  The one thing that seems to remain the same amongst most women from the time they are girls, gossip and backstabbing are always hot commodities. 

Tragedy strikes again!

The events that occurred in Boston are horrific and only remind us that no place is safe from terrorism.  No one could have ever anticipated a race's finish line; a moment that is supposed to evoke accomplishment and joy, could bring upon tremendous agony and sorrow instead.  Just as we never imagined a school full of children, movie theatre, or mall could be the target of such devastating onslaughts.  The most frustrating part of these tragic events is that there will never be an answer to our ongoing question of WHY?

Looks can be deceiving

With Crohn's Disease, like any other chronic illness, you have your good and bad days.  One day you can wake up feeling decent and ready to take on the world, while other days simply getting out of bed becomes one of the most difficult tasks to take on.  Everyone loves to capture the good moments of life through pictures, but what about the bad moments? Photoshop was created because people are so afraid to expose an ugly picture, let alone an ugly moment.  No one wants to share the times we are going through hell and are too sick to care what we look like.  No matter how vain a person is, there is usually one time in life where you felt too sick to give a damn.  With Crohn's, those moments are greatly multiplied. 

Chronic Disease & Ambitions

 

Getting diagnosed with Crohn's right after high school was such a crucial turning point in my life. Everything I was planning for fell through, as this disease came in uninvited and turned my world upside down. I was supposed to attend DeSales University in Central, Pennsylvania. When the reality of my illness sunk in, I realized I wasn't ready to share a dorm room with a complete stranger. Crohn's and its symptoms were so new to me that I could not fathom the thought of sharing a bathroom with people I didn't know. I was in a vulnerable state and needed the security of my own room and family for support.

Broken silence

I have contemplated getting a blog for quite some time now, but was always hesitant to just do it.  Growing up as a child, I was very shy and would not open up until I felt comfortable enough with someone to do so.  As I grew into adulthood, I became more confident.  This made it easier to be more outgoing when meeting new people.  But the one thing I always kept in silence was my disease.  It was an embarrassment and not something you wanted to break the ice with.  After seven years of suffering in silence, I am ready to share the reality of having a chronic illness.